


Need you now

by Livruka



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Cheesy, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Future Fic, Loneliness, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2019-01-05 09:56:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12187767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Livruka/pseuds/Livruka
Summary: This headcanon hit me very hard several weeks ago, and it never quite left my mind ever since. I've been stuck contemplating possible future verses and it sort of occurred to me that Sousuke, even if he were madly in love, wouldn't want to indulge in a relationship with Rin before the latter takes off to study in Australia. It would make them both unhappy, he'd reason, to wait for someone who may never come back for them. Rin would have argued, they would have fought reverently about this, but in the end, Sousuke would insist on a just-friends policy.Of course enforced agreements don't always go the way you want them to, and there's a breaking point for even the most level-headed man in the world...Huge thanks toDongurisfor speed beta reading this for me (seriously, you were quick, thanks so much!) and toStarshifor always bearing with my never-ending headcanons.This is also heavily inspired by, who would have guessed it,Just need you nowby Lady Antebellum.





	Need you now

**Author's Note:**

> This headcanon hit me very hard several weeks ago, and it never quite left my mind ever since. I've been stuck contemplating possible future verses and it sort of occurred to me that Sousuke, even if he were madly in love, wouldn't want to indulge in a relationship with Rin before the latter takes off to study in Australia. It would make them both unhappy, he'd reason, to wait for someone who may never come back for them. Rin would have argued, they would have fought reverently about this, but in the end, Sousuke would insist on a just-friends policy.  
> Of course enforced agreements don't always go the way you want them to, and there's a breaking point for even the most level-headed man in the world...
> 
> Huge thanks to [Donguris ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/donguris/pseuds/donguris) for speed beta reading this for me (seriously, you were quick, thanks so much!) and to [Starshi ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/starshi/pseuds/starshi) for always bearing with my never-ending headcanons.
> 
> This is also heavily inspired by, who would have guessed it, [Just need you now](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM213aMKTHg) by Lady Antebellum.

„Sousuke,“ Rin‘s voice is thick with sleep. Sousuke can hear him stifle a yawn into the blanket. „Do you have any idea what time it is?“

Sousuke sighs, he knows too well. His eyes find the clock above the door with practiced ease. „It‘s 1:15.“ He‘s watched the minutes tick by painfully slow for four nights in a row now, mind raising the most pointless questions whenever he tries to close his eyes. It‘s an hour later for Rin, Sousuke knows, and he‘s probably scheduled for training in less than four hours.

The muffled rustling of a blanket carries through the phone just as Sousuke decides to tell Rin to go back to sleep; his reason to call him at this hour is as silly as it is wrong.

„Hey, are you okay? Did something happen?“ Worry seeps into Rin‘s voice, still quiet and soft but more insistent now. Concerned.

There‘s a beat of silence as Sousuke watches the clock from where he is propped up against the arm rest of his couch. He breathes into the empty space of his living room, listening to shuffling noises from the other side of the line.

„I‘m fine. Sorry for waking you,“ He mumbles past the pillow half shoved into his face and decides it‘s time to sit up. His vision swims the moment he‘s upright and for a second Sousuke considers lying back down. No, he can‘t be talking to Rin when he‘s slumped into the couch like this. The colors of his living room blur into a mix of brown and orange and Sousuke glares at the half empty bottle of whiskey sitting on the coffee table in the center of the room.

Alcohol. He blames its comfort for the lack of shame he‘s feeling at the state he‘s in and for the fact that he finally broke their agreement.

„I needed to hear your voice.“ It‘s the truth, albeit and unpleasant one considering that he‘s a grown man with a life of his own admitting he‘s missing his best friend in the middle of the night. The warm burn of whiskey against his throat, ten minutes old but still hot like embers as he swallows, soothes the ache from finally saying what he‘s felt for weeks. „It‘s been too long.“

Rin‘s breath seems to halt for a moment before he releases a sigh. It comes out sounding less judgmental than Sousuke feared it might be, and he rubs the exhaustion from his eyes to listen to what must be Rin pouring a glass of water.

There‘s another beat of silence, then a soft gulp as Rin swallows.

„It‘s been four months this time,“ Rin finally says, and the ache in his voice is so quiet Sousuke might have missed it if not for the silence enveloping them. „You‘re the one who said we shouldn‘t talk.“

There it is, the judgement Sousuke knew was there, and who is he to blame Rin? Not a day passes by where he doesn‘t hate himself for making that suggestion. The hurt in Rin‘s eyes is still a vivid memory in Sousuke‘s mind whenever he looks back at how they said Goodbye. That was almost six years ago.

They‘ve met for birthdays and big events, had several competitions at tournaments during more recent years, but they always met as friends. That‘s what they are, it‘s part of the agreement. Friends. No questions, no doubts.

Sousuke‘s throat feels raw when he breathes around a sigh and downs another shot of whiskey that burns up his tongue. „I know what I said.“ He‘s clamping down on the urge to say more, to allow for himself to be honest for once. To admit that every fiber of his being is missing the presence of the one person he can‘t live without and still forces himself to. This agreement was made to protect both of them, to keep them sane during the months of separation at a time, and Sousuke has honored it just as Rin has.

Tonight, though… tonight he‘s weak, and he‘s done fighting himself.

„I said I wouldn‘t call and I asked you to not call me either,“ He recollects. Rin‘s breath is audible as he leans into his glass to take another sip. „But I needed to hear your voice.“

For a moment there‘s nothing, no breathing, no sound, and Sousuke almost expects the accusing beep of a hung-up call. Instead there‘s soft laughter, a sweet tune etched into the emptiness of his own home. Sousuke clings to the phone, presses it into his cheek. ‚Desperate,‘ He chides, but he can‘t bring himself to care.

„So demanding,“ Rin‘s quiet tenor sounds like he‘s smiling, „I thought I sent you two letters just this week.“

Sousuke feels defiance rise in his chest, but it falls flat when Rin‘s laughter bubbles higher and the glass is set down with a heavy clang on the other side of the line. „You still think you‘re doing yourself a favor with this, are you, Sousuke?“ The gentle lilt that draws out his name when Rin says it has always been one of Sousuke‘s weak points, and he stands from the couch to step up to the wall he‘s lined their pictures up on. Half of them are on the floor, scattered in his alcohol-induced haze, and he picks them up to stare at Rin‘s face on the front page of a sports magazine, first Olympic medal - silver - in his hand.

„I don‘t know what I‘m thinking tonight,“ He admits, and his chest swells as he looks at the pictures, picking them up one by one to put them back up on the wall. For a moment he tries jamming the phone between his jaw and shoulder to have both hands at his disposal but finds out quickly that his coordination has suffered a great deal from the amount of whiskey he‘s poured throughout the night. „I might be just a little drunk if I‘m completely honest.“

There it is again, Rin‘s laughter, crystal clear now that he‘s soothed his tired throat with a few gulps of his drink. „I could have guessed that from the way you‘re slurring the last syllable of every word you say, but it‘s nice that you admit it,“ He chuckles. Sousuke feels he should be annoyed but can‘t summon up the feeling with Rin‘s mirth filling the room, so he decides to sit on the coffee table instead. For a moment there‘s Rin‘s voice filling his heart and the pictures on the wall right next to the shelf with his letter box, stamps peeking out at the top. It‘s his 6th box, one for each year of separation, and the most recent additions - two letters from this week - are still propped up against the front.

Rin goes quiet again, voice unmistakably sad when he speaks up again. Immediately, Sousuke wants to turn back time, go back to where they were just minutes ago, with Rin chuckling and cracking jokes - even if they are at his expense, Sousuke doesn‘t care. The soft lilt at the last syllable of his name makes Sousuke squeeze the phone tighter. 

„Did you really think you‘re alone in this, Sousuke? I missed your voice, too.“ There‘s a quiet sniffle that almost drives Sousuke up the wall, and he‘s ready to promise almost anything to stop Rin from crying, but Rin won‘t let him speak yet. „Honestly I‘m done with this a dozen times. I‘m done with missing you and pretending I‘m not. I‘m done with trying to date because I know you want me to and comparing them to you. I‘m done with knowing you‘re going out with your team mates just to please me. You should be here with me or at least calling every night. I should be calling you when I feel like it. Please stop insisting this is a good solution for us because, really, we both know it‘s not. It‘s never been. But we tried, we both tried to be the best we can without each other, for ourselves. But Sousuke,“ There it is again, the soft sniffling sound, and Sousuke is sure Rin‘s eyes are wet by now, „I don‘t want to keep doing this. I want to miss you, because you‘re important to me. And I want to be able to admit that to you, every night.“

Sousuke‘s throat is a compressed space by now, his lungs a deflated balloon, and his chest aches with the edge of longing in Rin‘s voice. He swallows and slips from the coffee table to sit on the carpet with his back against the couch.  
„You‘re right,“ His voice is raw with emotion and Sousuke dully notes to himself that he should be embarrassed but simply doesn‘t care enough to hide his feelings from Rin of all people, especially not right now. „I thought you were fine, that you were okay by this point. You‘ve always been in high spirits when I saw you, and I thought-“

Rin interrupts him, words thick with tears, „- I was happy because I could see you, idiot!“ He sobs, and Sousuke finally understands, trying to swallow past the lump in his throat and failing, struggling to breathe because, „You were missing me just as much? Even now, after all this time?“

There‘s a strangled laugh from the other end of the line, then a muffled sniffle that sounds suspiciously like Rin wiped his nose on his shirt. „You‘re such an idiot, Sousuke Yamazaki, and I‘d kick your ass into bed now if I were close enough to where you are.“ He laughs again, and this time it sounds less painful. „Yes, I‘ve missed you. I‘ve always missed you, and really, if you miss me too, why are we still trying to stay away from each other? It‘s painful either way, but I‘d really much prefer sharing this with you to carrying this weight alone. It‘s your weight after all.“

Sousuke huffs a breathy laugh, head swimming with the mix of alcohol, exhaustion and joy. He holds on to the phone as he pushes up to his feet and makes his way into the bedroom, heart leaping as he considers falling asleep with Rin‘s voice in his ears.

„You‘d better find some time to visit soon,“ Sousuke mumbles into the phone, mouth finally forming the smile he doesn‘t think he‘s showed in weeks, and he can hear Rin hum his approval. „I‘m not going to be satisfied with your voice for long.“

Rin‘s laugh is honest and probably loud enough to wake his neighbors. „Demanding, I called it.“ He‘s still sniffling a little, but Sousuke feels like he doesn‘t need to worry about this new kind of tears. „You better qualify for the Japanese Championships then. I‘ll be there.“

Sousuke‘s mind is a peaceful space for once, and this time he can close his eyes without regret as he leans back against his bedroom door. „I will,“ He promises, and he‘s determined to stay true to his word, as he‘s always been.


End file.
